Top 100 Handyman Jokes - Hammer Humor

100 handyman jokes for you to bring a smile and a laugh to your face! : )

1. Why did the handyman bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!

2. What did the hammer say to the nail? "I’m just trying to hold it all together!"

3. Why did the handyman get kicked out of the library? He kept trying to fix the books!

4. What do you call a handyman who can’t fix anything? A “handy-possibly!”

5. Why did the handyman love working with wood? Because it’s a “board” job!

6. What do you call a handyman who tells bad jokes? A “pun-derful” person!

7. Why do handymen always carry a pencil? In case they need to draw the line!

8. What did the handyman say when he finished his project? "Nailed it!"

9. Why was the handyman so good at poker? He always had the best “hands!”

10. What do you call a handyman with a sense of humor? A “tool of laughter!”

11. Why did the handyman start a gardening service? He wanted to dig deeper into his work!

12. What did the handyman say when he got a promotion? "I’m really climbing the ladder of success!"

13. Why did the handyman always bring a broom? He wanted to sweep everyone off their feet!

14. How do handymen stay in shape? They do “tool exercises!”

15. What did the handyman say to the broken fence? "I’ll fix you up in a jiffy!"

16. Why did the handyman break up with the ladder? They just weren’t on the same level!

17. What did the screwdriver say to the wrench? "You’re really turning me on!"

18. Why did the handyman win an award? He always went above and beyond the call of duty!

19. What do you call a handyman who’s also a musician? A “tool and tune” expert!

20. Why was the handyman so calm? He knew how to “screw” up his problems!

21. What did the handyman say when asked if he wanted to help? "Sure, I’m always up for a little ‘fixing’!"

22. Why did the handyman get a promotion? He had a great work ethic and “screw”-tine!

23. What’s a handyman’s favorite game? "Hide and ‘seek’—the tools never stay put!"

24. Why did the handyman carry a flashlight? In case he needed to shed some light on the situation!

25. How did the handyman fix the broken clock? He just had to “turn back time!”

26. What did the handyman say when he finished painting? "I’m really ‘coloring’ outside the lines!"

27. Why did the handyman love his job? He found it “uplifting!”

28. What do you call a handyman who loves to dance? A “tool-ett!”

29. Why did the handyman take a nap? He needed to “recharge” his batteries!

30. What’s a handyman’s favorite type of music? "Heavy metal!"

31. Why did the handyman go to therapy? He had too many “screw” ups!

32. What did the handyman say when he found a leak? "I’m just going to ‘patch’ it up!"

33. Why did the handyman get a dog? To help him “fetch” the tools!

34. What do you call a handyman who loves to cook? A “chef with a drill!”

35. Why did the handyman keep a calendar? To stay on top of his “projects!”

36. What did the handyman say to the wall? "I’m going to ‘plaster’ you with compliments!"

37. Why did the handyman start a podcast? To share his “tool-ly” insights!

38. What do you call a handyman with a broken tool? A “handy-man down!”

39. Why did the handyman get a new toolbox? His old one was “falling apart!”

40. What did the handyman say when he couldn’t fix something? "It’s just a little ‘rusty’!"

41. Why did the handyman work overtime? He wanted to “screw” in some extra hours!

42. What do you call a handyman who loves puzzles? A “piece by piece” expert!

43. Why did the handyman start a blog? To share his “fix-it” knowledge!

44. What did the handyman say after fixing the sink? "I’m just trying to ‘drain’ the competition!"

45. Why did the handyman always have a backup plan? He didn’t want to be left “hanging!”

46. What’s a handyman’s favorite drink? "Screwdriver!"

47. Why did the handyman love to travel? He enjoyed exploring new “landscapes!”

48. What did the handyman say when he finished his work? "That’s a wrap!"

49. Why did the handyman get a smartphone? To keep track of his “tools!”

50. What do you call a handyman who loves fashion? A “trend-setter with a tool belt!”

51. Why did the handyman start a band? He wanted to rock the “tools!”

52. What did the handyman say to the leaky faucet? "You’re really dripping me crazy!"

53. Why did the handyman take a vacation? He needed a break from all the “screwing around!”

54. What’s a handyman’s favorite holiday? “Tool-oween!”

55. Why did the handyman join a gym? He wanted to get in shape for lifting!

56. What did the handyman say when he fixed the light bulb? "I really brightened up your day!"

57. Why did the handyman carry a toolbox everywhere? Because you never know when you’ll need to fix something!

58. What do you call a handyman who loves to garden? A “handyman with green thumbs!”

59. Why did the handyman bring a chair to the meeting? He wanted to take a seat at the “table of tools!”

60. What did the handyman say when he found a broken window? "Looks like we have a ‘pane’ to deal with!"

61. Why did the handyman love to play cards? He always had a good hand!

62. What do you call a handyman who loves to read? A “bookworm with a hammer!”

63. Why did the handyman always carry a ruler? To keep everything in line!

64. What did the handyman say after he fixed the roof? "I’m on top of the world!"

65. Why did the handyman get a new pair of shoes? He wanted to be “well-heeled” for work!

66. What do you call a handyman who loves to bake? A “pastry fix-it pro!”

67. Why did the handyman become a chef? He wanted to “spice” things up in the kitchen!

68. What did the handyman say to the broken chair? "I’ll get you ‘back on your feet’!"

69. Why did the handyman take up painting? He wanted to add some “color” to his life!

70. What do you call a handyman who loves to play sports? A “tool athlete!”

71. Why did the handyman always wear gloves? To keep his “hands” clean!

72. What did the handyman say after fixing the door? "It’s finally ‘unlocked’ its potential!"

73. Why did the handyman enjoy camping? He loved to “build” a good fire!

74. What do you call a handyman who loves to sing? A “tool-chorus member!”

75. Why did the handyman carry around a tape measure? To always be “on point!”

76. What did the handyman say to the toolbox? "You’re my best friend on the job!"

77. Why did the handyman always get invited to parties? He knew how to “raise the roof!”

78. What do you call a handyman who loves science? A “tool-chemist!”

79. Why did the handyman take a class in carpentry? To hone his “craft!”

80. What did the handyman say when he fixed the fence? "Now it’s ‘up to standard!’"

81. Why did the handyman love history? He enjoyed “building” on the past!

82. What do you call a handyman who loves to travel? A “tool-trotter!”

83. Why did the handyman always keep a notebook? To jot down his “fix-it” ideas!

84. What did the handyman say to the rusty toolbox? "You need some serious ‘maintenance!’"

85. Why did the handyman start an online store? He wanted to “sell” his skills!

86. What do you call a handyman who loves to paint? A “tool-artisan!”

87. Why did the handyman get a cat? To help him “pounce” on projects!

88. What did the handyman say after fixing a leak? "I’m ‘drained’ but happy!"

89. Why did the handyman love the weekend? It was his time to “relax and recharge!”

90. What do you call a handyman who loves to dance? A “tool-shuffler!”

91. Why did the handyman always wear a hard hat? To stay “protected” on the job!

92. What did the handyman say to the broken light? "You’re going to need a new bulb!"

93. Why did the handyman become a mentor? He wanted to share his “fix-it” wisdom!

94. What do you call a handyman who loves to play chess? A “strategic tool master!”

95. Why did the handyman always carry a first-aid kit? To be prepared for any “emergency repairs!”

96. What did the handyman say when he finished a project? "I’m ‘tool-tally’ satisfied!"

97. Why did the handyman enjoy woodworking? He loved to “create” beautiful things!

98. Why did the handyman always win at poker? He know how to handle his "deck"

99. Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items 1, 3, & 5 were done. Turns out, he only does odd jobs.

100. What does a handyman say after installing a porch lamp? That’s the way uh huh uh huh I light kit.